Wish I Knew You
by lalarandoms
Summary: Amanda winds up at Olivia's apartment.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** "Wish I Knew You" is not written by me. It was written by a friend of mine, and I tried to convince her to post it but she is shy; so she allowed me to post it for her on my page. Please, give her some encouragement to continue with the story by leaving reviews.

And as always: I own no rights to Law & Order SVU

* * *

She didn't know why she came here. Of all places, of all bars and meetings and hell, anywhere, she didn't know why she decided that _this_ was the place for her to show up. She hadn't had a drop of alcohol, but she damn well wanted one. Maybe two drops. Or a few thousand drops.

She wasn't an alcoholic, she rarely drank when she gambled, but, it's just that one sip of whiskey that puts the idea that It'd be a good idea to gamble away her life savings. So instead of drinking tonight, possibly stumbling into a casino, losing money, waking up with a raging headache and an empty bank account, she finds herself standing outside the entrance of her Lieutenant's Manhattan apartment.

They weren't terribly close. They just became friends actually. Genuine friends, she thinks. Her actions in the past gave her boss reason to distrust her, and she knew that it was the right call. In their line of work, one could never be too careful.

But now, she's reaching for her 'friend's' door buzzer, telling herself not to and just go to a meeting instead.

So she presses the button, and a few minutes later, her boss's husky voice is ringing through the chilly night air.

"Hello?"

She's frozen for a second, but quickly grasps her bearings, "Uh.. Yea, Hi, Olivia.. I-"

"Amanda? That you? What're you doing here?" Olivia's voice is laced with sleep and it occurs to amanda that it's late and they'd all gone home relatively early, and Olivia is probably catching up on some much needed sleep.

"Shit.. yea, it's me. Listen, if you were asleep I could just come back or like call or something."

There's some static and a pause, but moments later, she hears a buzz then a click, "Come on up."

And with that, the green light next to Olivia's door number goes off.

Amanda shakes her head and pushes through the door, silently making her way up to her superior's door. She tries not to think about what she's going to say, taking the quick alone time to clear her head and gather herself before entering Olivia's home.

The time is too short though, and before she knows it, she's at Olivia's door.

She lifts her hand to knock, but the door swings open, revealing a comfortably dressed, tired mother and her child, holding what looks like a sippy cup of milk in his small fingers. "We were just about to finish up story time, weren't we, sweet boy?" Olivia cooes, no sign of irritation in her demeanor and voice.

Noah nods enthusiastically. "Uh huh. Mama read boos coos. You lis'n to stowy too?"

Amanda's heart melts as she watches the little boy take another sip from his Thomas The Train sippy, hazel eyes wide and so, so innocent. Amanda smiles and looks at Olivia, "Boos Coos?" She smirks, eyebrow cocked in amusement.

Olivia smiles, moving away from the doorway to let her detective in, "Hey, Blues Clues is his favorite thing right now. ' _Steeb'_ is his idol." She kisses the soft brown hair on her son's head, then sets him down. "Why don't you get your book, baby, and we can read in here with Amanda?"

"I get two books?" He gazes at his mother, doey eyes working their magic.

Amanda chuckles at how soft Olivia is with him. The kid's got her wrapped around his little finger.

"Okay, my love. Just two, then it's bedtime for my little Blue."

Noah runs towards his room, barking like a puppy, and this time, Amanda can't help but laugh out loud. "That's so cute, Liv. Blue is the dog right?"

Olivia sits down on the sofa, motioning for Amanda to join her, and she does, sitting on the other side of the plush couch. "Yea. Noah has this idea in his head that Steve, the guy in the books and show, does the same thing that I do since he looks for clues to solve mysteries. So Noah said that I can be Steve and he's Blue and we'll solve mysteries every night."

Amanda witness the smile that's made it's way across her boss' face, and is in awe. Olivia Benson truly is a terrific mother.

Moments later, Noah speeds out of his bedroom and makes his way to Olivia and Amanda, "I get TWO books!" He says proudly, handing one to Amanda and one to his mother. "Dis for you to read. Dis for mommy."

Olivia looks at Amanda, "Oh, you don't have to, I can-"

"No, no, it's okay Liv. Do you want to go first or should I?"

Olivia pulls her son up in between them, the small boy instinctively leaning against his mother. "You can go first, he's usually asleep by the middle of the second book."

And it was true, because no more than 20 minutes later, Olivia was tucking her son into bed, having stopped the book she was reading to Noah when the two adults noticed that he'd fallen asleep.

When she was sure her son was not going to wake up, she made her way back into the living room. "So, detective. What brings you by? I senses something is wrong."

Leave it to Olivia to get right to the point. Amanda nervously bit her lip, shrugging slightly before leaning back against the couch cushion. "I really don't know.. I just.. I was at home, ready to have a glass of whiskey to calm my nerves, and then my mind went to "You know every time you drink that, you feel the urge to gamble." Then, I just.. I don't know. I left my apartment, started walking to a casino, but I ended up here instead."

Olivia scoots a bit closer to Amanda, listening intently. She tilts her head, as if contemplating her words, then takes a deep breath, "Well, first I want to say that I'm proud of you. That you didn't go to a casino, and that you came here. You are welcome here anytime you need support. Secondly, I want you to know that I know what an addiction can do to someone. My mother was horrible. She was angry, she didn't seek help like you did. All she did was drink, and it's life ruining. The fact that you stopped yourself from drinking that whiskey, and stopped yourself from going anywhere that would cause you to lapse, is amazing."

Amanda was shocked. That was the only rational word for what she just heard. She'd honestly expected a "well that's what Gamblers Anonymous meetings are for" kind of response.

Amanda scratches her brow and sighs, "See, I usually go to meetin's when I'm feeling.. You know. The urge. I just.. I felt like that was too routine. I don't know how to word it right."

"I completely understand, Amanda. You need the support of someone who cares about you. A real friend. Meetings like those, although very helpful, are directed at a group of people. I mean it when I say that you're welcome over here anytime you like." Olivia says sympathetically, placing a hand on Amanda's knee.

Amanda lets out a shaky breath, her eyes burning with the warning of tears. "I just.. I don't know why I want to do it still. It's not fun anymore. There's no rush, there's no adrenalin that comes with it. I don't know why my mind is telling me I have to do it."

Olivia nods, her fingers squeezing the younger woman's knee. "Is there something that I can do right now? Would you like to stay here for the night?"

Amanda shakes her head, "Oh.. No I can't impose like that. I already showed up unannounced. I-"

"Don't give me that, detective." Something in the older woman's voice sent a shiver down Amanda's spine. "You're already here. You aren't imposing, I asked you." The demanding, yet soft tone filled Amanda's body with a set of completely different emotions.

She was shocked with herself. Shocked and disappointed to realize that what the Lieutenant just made her feel was arousal.

The younger woman chalked it up to being attracted to the kind of care and support Olivia was providing. That's it.

"Alright, fine… I'll take the couch." She smiles tightly.

Olivia nods, "I have some yoga pants and a shirt you can sleep in." She pats Amanda's knee twice before moving to get up.

Amanda wishes she could blame her actions on alcohol.

Because before her boss has time to even get off the couch, Amanda has her hands in soft brown locks, her lips pressed tightly against the older woman's. She immediately regrets her actions, feeling Olivia tense up. She's about to pull away, she's about to apologize profusely. She's about to-

 _Fuck._

She feels Olivia relax into the kiss. Feels soft fingers dance across her cheek, then grip her jaw firmly. She feels the tip of a hot, wet tongue brush against the seam of her lips. She feels _aroused._

It's mere moments before their tongues are entwined, bodies pressed tightly together, hands running through tresses.

The thought hit her like a freight train; _She'd just started a makeout session with her boss._

All other thoughts but that one flee her brain. Thoughts of drinking and gambling and even _stopping_ this inappropriate behavior, gone. Because dammit, Olivia Benson was damn well kissing her just as fiercely.

Olivia's tongue caresses the roof of her mouth, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip before completely pulling away, breath bated. "Amanda-" She murmurs, her hands softly running down her neck, coming to rest on her shoulders. "Amanda, you're upset.."

Realization slams down on her. Jesus. She'd come to the older woman's house unannounced, stayed for bedtime stories with her son. Unloaded her problems onto Olivia. And then, on top of all of that, _kissed her._

"Oh, God.." She mutters, pulling away from the brunette. "I am so sorry, Olivia.. I-"

"Hey, stop. I didn't stop you. Okay? I just think that maybe.. Maybe your state of mind right now isn't in the best place for you and I to be intimate.. Why don't we just go to sleep, and we can talk some more in the morning."

Amanda was truly amazed at how stoic Olivia could stay in awkward situations.

"I shouldn't have kissed y-"

Olivia's lips were against hers again, her wet tongue swiping across her top lip briefly before she pulls away slightly. "I.. didn't.. Stop you.." She whispers slowly, eyes dark.

Amanda nods, looking down at her shaky hands.

Olivia stands up, running her hands over her yoga pant clad hips, "Let me go get you something to sleep in. The bathroom's right over there if you need it.."

The blonde mutters a polite "thanks", standing up as well.

She hadn't expected Olivia to be so… _Okay_.. with the impromptu kiss. She hadn't even expected the older woman to kiss her back. Could it be that Olivia shared the attraction? Obviously if she kissed back, there was some attraction there.

Or maybe Olivia just really liked kissing? That couldn't be it, the older woman _hardly_ seemed like the type to let just _anyone_ kiss her.

God, everything was so fucked up.

"You're a bit smaller than I am but they should fit you.." Olivia murmured, quiet so as not to wake her sleeping son.

Amanda couldn't stop the red tint that took her cheeks, "I'm sure they'll be fine. Thank's Liv…" She wanted to apologize for kissing her again, because the more she thought about it, the more embarrassing it was.

"No problem. I'm gonna head to bed but my door is open so.." The look Amanda got from Olivia was unmistakable. It was an open invitation into the older woman's bedroom.

Jesus.

"Night, Liv." Amanda says quietly, unmoving from her spot in front of the couch. She honestly didn't know how to act around her boss anymore. Not since that kiss only moments before.

Olivia smiles and turns, walking into her bedroom, leaving Amanda alone with her thoughts.

Amanda let's her eyes slip closed for a second, basking in the aloneness. She takes a deep inhale, intoxicated by the scent of Olivia all around her. A vanilla-foresty like smell.

She shakes her head, a sigh escaping her lips. As she changes quickly into the clothes Olivia lent her, she thinks about how stupid she feels.. how stupid she _is._

Olivia is _way_ out of her league. If she was being honest with herself, they weren't in the same ball park. Olivia was Major League BaseBall and Amanda was Pee Wee T-Ball. Olivia had a few years on her.. almost a full decade. Not that it mattered any. But the level of wisdom and maturity was most likely very different.

Olivia was a legend even before Amanda became a detective. She looked up to the older woman before transferring to New York. She'd read about some of Benson's cases.. Studied her case closures, her techniques.

She laid down on the couch, draping the throw blanket over her body.

She honestly didn't know what to do.

….

It couldn't have been more than 2-3 hours since she'd fallen asleep before she woke up, her craving stronger than it was before. She was half asleep, but the urge was as strong as it was in her earlier days. She was sweating through her- Olivia's- shirt.

She slipped off the couch and made her way into the kitchen, deciding to open a window for a second. Cool her heated skin, get fresh air in her lungs.

She inhaled the cool autumn air, feeling slightly less hot, but no change in what had her up at this time of night. She leaned against the kitchen counter, her hands braced on the cool granite countertop.

"It's not worth it.." She whispered, the words so familiar to her, they were like an old friend. Sometimes they worked, sometimes she tried to prove them wrong. Tonight, she was nowhere near proving them wrong, only hoping that they'd quell her desire to gamble.

"It's not worth it." She repeats, her breathing deep, fingertips white from pressing into the counter.

"What's not worth it?" A tired, raspy voice interrupts. Immediately, Amanda tenses. She spins around, blue eyes meeting brown ones in the dim street light shining in from outside.

She can't speak, she can only stare. Tears well in her eyes. She feels guilty. For wanting to gamble, for ruining her boss's night. For being such an underfoot, bothersome, basket case.

"I-I.. It's so pathetic, Olivia…" She chokes out, fists clenching and unclenching. "I just can't control it sometimes.. I can-n't stop myself from wanting to." She can feel the steady stream of tears running down her cheeks.

Olivia moves closer, her warm fingers brushing the tears away from the blonde's cheeks. "It's not pathetic, Amanda.. It's an _addiction_ that you're trying to kick. It's not easy. There's going to be withdrawals.. good days and bad ones.. The _best you can do_ is try to stay strong and _remind_ yourself that _you don't need to do it._ " Olivia's voice was thick with sleep, mesmerizing and calming.

"I wish I knew you the first time I tried to quit.." Amanda sniffles, attempting humor.

"I'm here now," she husks, hands brushing down Amanda's arms, stopping at her hands.

Amanda is the one to interlace their fingers together though, pulling the older woman closer. She immediately senses Olivia's hesitation, and she respects the hell out of the older woman for trying to not take advantage of an upset woman. But Amanda wasn't fragile. She was a woman with needs. The need to gamble quickly being surpassed by the need for a feeling other than withdrawal, other than sadness and weakness.

Amanda shakes her head, taking a hand out of Olivia's and wrapping it around the older woman's waist, bringing their bodies together.

"Amanda…" Olivia murmurs darkly, The fingertips of her free hand brushing blonde locks away from the younger woman's lips. "We can't do this if one of us regrets it in the morning.." Her eyes dip to Amanda's lips and the blonde feels a rush of liquid between her legs at the primal look in Olivia's dark eyes.

Amanda's hand caresses Olivia's back through the soft grey t-shirt, then moved down to her round behind, squeezing the supple flesh, their lower halves pressing together. "I'm not going to regret this, not with you.. are you going to regret it?"

Olivia's mouth drops slightly at the contact. Her dark eyes searching cobalt blue ones, seeing only truth. "No.. I'm not going to regret it."

With the urge still close to the forefront of her mind, she's quick to attach her lips to Olivia's, desperate to forget she ever gambled completely.

Something told her that bedding Olivia Benson was something that required full, unbridled attention.

Their mouths melded together, no start of one's lips, and no end of the other's. Olivia let out a gasp when Amanda pushed her against the counter, the younger woman's hands immediately venturing under Olivia's shirt.

It was only hot kisses and warm skin and breathy moans then, and it was exactly how what Amanda needed. It was her new craving. An addiction she'd be okay with having.

Nothing seemed more addicting than the sweet paradise between Lieutenant Benson's legs.

She knew- just _knew_ \- that one taste of the brunette, she'd be forever hooked. It was inevitable.

"Is your bedroom door still open?" Amanda breathes, her hands cupping bare breasts under Olivia's sleep shirt, filling her palms with soft, warm flesh.

Olivia's head dips back, her nails digging into Amanda's back, "uh huh.." her mouth drops open again, and it's quite the sight.

Before Amanda can utter another word, Olivia's head snaps back up, her hands weaving into her hair, pulling Amanda's lips to her. Her tongue is a force to be reckoned with. It pushed through the younger woman's lips, claiming what was, no doubt, now hers.

Amanda fingers Olivia's pert nipples, squeezing and tugging, feeling them tighten.

Olivia moves her mouth down over Amanda's chin, her tongue making a fiery trail down her neck. Her teeth graze the base of Amanda's throat, her mouth lapping and suckling, surely leaving a mark.

One of Olivia's hands leave Amanda's hair, the other staying, closing roughly around the strands, effectively tugging Amanda's head back, giving herself more skin to taste.

She could come right now, Amanda thinks, just by the way Olivia is unashamedly demanding.

But this was about her, about the addiction that she's trying to to forget, and the only way, she thinks, is to have her face buried firmly between Olivia's supple thighs. Coaxing orgasm after orgasm out of the Seasoned Leader of SVU.

Forget about her own pleasure, she'd forego cumming forever if it meant watching Olivia scream with pleasure, fully at the mercy of her mouth and fingers.

"Olivia," Amanda grinds out, "Bedroom."

Olivia pulls away, lips swollen, breath heavy. "Let's go." She turns away from Amanda, pulling the grey t-shirt off as she walks back into her bedroom.

The sight propels Amanda, quickly following the caramel skinned brunette.

She enters her boss's room, stopping to take in the view in front of her.

Olivia is shirtless, full breasts on display. She's on the bed, sitting back on her calves, hands settled loosely on her thighs.

"I can't believe this is happening." Amanda mutters, leaning against the doorframe. She nibbled on a fingernail as she drinks in the unbelievable sight in front of her.

"It's not yet.." Olivia murmurs, "but it can be if you lose the clothes and join me." She pats the bed, then scoots back to rest against the headboard.

Amanda wastes no time, shedding the shirt and yoga pants, leaving just her simple white bra and panties to cover her most intimate parts.

She climbs on top of Olivia, fingering the waistband of burgundy yoga pants the older woman sports, then pulls them down long legs, discarding them somewhere across the room.

Olivia bites her lip, a leg slipping between Amanda's, "How do you want it, Detective..?" She whispers, her fingers trailing along her slim waist.

Amanda keeps eye contact, but does not answer. She lowers her lips to Olivia's bare breast, taking a hard nipple into her mouth, sucking hard.

A deep moan rips from Olivia's throat, her back arches and head is thrown back.

Amanda pulls back slightly, blowing a steady stream of cool air on the wet, sensitive flesh. "That. I want to make you repeat that noise until you're not able to." She husks darkly, switching nipples, giving the opposite one the same attention.

Amanda lips her other leg between Olivia's, forcing the brunette to widen hers. She can feel how wet Olivia is, and God help her, it was all for her.

She knew Olivia was one for control, that she was testing the older woman's ability to just let things happen, and she was grateful for that kind of power. Olivia would not go unrewarded for her generosity.

"I want to taste you, Olivia." Amanda whispers shakily, the arousal she was feeling growing at an overwhelming pace.

The only response she got was the widening of Olivia's legs more.

She smiled, trailing kisses down Olivia's body, stopping occasionally to suck hard, leaving a trail of red marks down her belly and navel.

Sure, it was childish, but it was going to be hot as hell to look at after they're done.

Amanda slips Olivia's panties down her legs, tossing them with the discarded leggings. She could immediately smell the effects of all of her teasing. The arousal that seeped out of the older woman.

She couldn't wait. She couldn't even warn Olivia. Within seconds, her mouth was latching onto Olivia's hot center. tongue flicking her clit, then dragging down to her wet opening.

 _Fucking paradise._

 _Hooked._

 _Addicted._

Her lips would forever be branded with the intoxicatingly sweetness of Olivia's wetness.

She heard muted whimpers, and was confused for a moment, until she realized Olivia's thighs closed around her head. Good God.

She pushed the older woman's legs apart, letting her hook one over her shoulder. She wrapped a hand around that thigh, holding it in place, while the other hand moved up Olivia's body to cup a perfect breast.

She sucked Olivia's clit hard, tongue flicking rapidly over the sensitized bud.

A strangled " _Yes!"_ ripped from Olivia's lips, followed by a moan that was slightly higher pitched than the other guttural ones.

She couldn't resist, taking her hand away from the older woman's breast, instead pushing two fingers inside of the brunette's throbbing center.

Olivia's fingers weave back into Amanda's hair, pulling roughly, keeping the blonde mounted right there, between her tan thighs. Unashamedly grinding her sex against Amanda's eager mouth and fingers.

A few rough strokes, a few hard sucks, and Olivia was coming. _Hard._ Her back arched, mouth and eyes wide, short, high pitched moans escaping with every breath.

Olivia's quivering legs fell limply apart, letting Amanda know that the older woman was spent.

"You taste exquisite, Lieutenant," Amanda murmured, licking her fingers clean.

A weak breath escaped Olivia's lips. "I have a rather embarrassing confession, Detective," Olivia rasped, propping herself up on her elbows.

"Yeah?" Amanda arches an eyebrow, kissing her way back up the older woman's body.

"I've never been with a woman… _and_ I've never come that hard… _In my life._ "

"I'll make you do it over and over.. but right now, sleep is what we need.." Amanda says, kissing Olivia's swollen lips.

"What about you?" Olivia asks, trailing her fingers down Amanda's back tiredly.

"All I want right now is to fall asleep next to you. By don't think you're off the hook, I expect to see what your mouth and fingers can do as a first timer as soon as we wake up." She smiled seductively at the older woman.

Olivia nods, wrapping her arms around Amanda before settling into bed.

They're both almost asleep when Amanda remembers something. "Should we lock the door or get dressed or something?"

Olivia hums, obviously closer to sleep than Amanda was, "No… Noah knows to knock before coming in. We'll be okay."

"Okay."

Amanda let's out a content sigh. The urge to gamble is still there, but it's not strong nor overbearing.

She knows it'll take time. She knows it won't be easy. But she has Olivia now, and that's all she needs.


	2. Chapter 2

The awkward moment when your friend's story is getting more reviews and subscribes than of yours, so much so that you're actually thinking about quitting writing as a whole.

Alright, here is chapter two, and I do believe she is writing one last chapter to this story. I convinced her to write this chapter and another because it's too good for her not to continue and end the story in a proper matter.

And as always: **Do Not own the rights Law & Order SVU.**

 **A/N** : Sorry for the miss up, there was a lot missing from this chapter that some how didn't go through on my google drive. Not sure but happened! It's updated to the full and correct version. Enjoy!

* * *

She leaves before Olivia wakes up, deciding to go back to her apartment to let Frannie out, and feed her. She's not proud of what she's done… Leaving Olivia after…

God she can't even believe what happened. It's still so fresh in her mind. They way the older woman had come for her.. the way her fingers and mouth had reciprocated everything Amanda had done to her.. She found it hard to believe this was Olivia's first time with a woman.

She knows Olivia's going to be pissed. Probably not talk to her.. Probably even transfer her out. She's preparing for the worst. She knows that when she goes into work the next day, things will be different. They were different the moment Amanda pressed her lips against her boss's.

The urge to gamble has doubled since leaving Olivia's, maybe due to guilt? Maybe, the presence of Olivia is what drew her mind away from the addiction…

Addiction.

Olivia gave a whole new meaning to the word. Her mind, her soul, her body… It was all so overwhelming, yet.. Almost not enough.

She imagined with a 3 year old, Olivia would be up by now. She knew the older woman wouldn't call her. She'd probably be too embarrassed.

Really, Amanda knew she was a fuck up, but this? This topped it all.

Monday came too quickly for Amanda. She had half a mind to just call in sick. But she didn't. She was a coward, but she was not a flake.. Well… at least when it came to work.

She put up a strong front as she walked into the squad room. Everyone was quiet though, busy at work.

"What's goin' on?" She asked Fin, setting her things down on her desk, removing her blazer.

He shakes his head, "Boss is in one of her moods. She's tryin' to put up a front like nothing's botherin' her but I can tell. She's been snappy. 'Specially at Carisi, poor guy."

A rush of guilt and remorse floods through her veins. She know's exactly why Olivia is off today. She was fucked and stood up. Amanda'd basically treated her as a booty call.

Fucked up… That was too light a definition of what the blonde did. Cruel.

So fucking cruel.

"She in?" Amanda looks over at the drawn blinds and closed door.

"Yea but I'd refrain from botherin' her.. Don't wanna get sent on a filing adventure like Sonny." He smirks, looking down at his paperwork.

Amanda shakes her head and walked towards Olivia's office. If filing is her punishment, she'd be lucky, but she knows she's gonna get the worst of if.

She'd prepared though, she was ready for whatever she was about to walk into.

She taps the door a few times, then opens it.

"Didn't I tell you to finish that paperwork?" Amanda hears, that raspy, tired voice filling the room.

"Actually, I just got here, so…"

Olivia's eyes snap up, locking with Amanda's.

It's not anger that's in the older woman's eyes. It's a tired, hurt kind of look, and it almost brings the younger woman to her knees.

She did that.

It's only seconds before Olivia steels herself. Her back and neck straightening out.

Amanda notices a dark mark peaking out of her top, and flashes of two nights ago flood her brain.

"Detective," Olivia barks, slipping her glasses onto the bridge of her nose. "Didn't think you'd show up this morning. There's a pile of 5's on your desk. I need them finished before you go home."

Amanda wants to smile.. It's horrible, really, feeling this turned on by the dark gaze she's getting from the brunette. It's not sexual by any means, more like a guarded anger, but she'd never been able to resist the way Olivia looked when she was in a passionate kind of mood. Especially anger.

"Will do. But first, I think we should talk."

Olivia arches a brow and stands up, tilting her head. "Shut the door."

Amanda does as she's told, ignoring the prying eyes of her coworkers.

Amanda opens her mouth to speak, ready to apologize, but Olivia beats her to it. "You fucked me, Amanda."

She's stunned by the tone of her boss's voice. The harsh rasp. She looks down at her feet, unable to face the older woman.

"Look at me." Olivia snaps, and immediately, Amanda's eyes are locked with Olivia's.

"You… You came to my home… You kissed me. You touched me.." Olivia moves closer, voice dropping dangerously, "You made me come harder than anyone has. You let me fuck you, and then you left me naked in my bed, after promising you wouldn't regret it."

There's tears in Olivia's eyes, but her voice never wavers. Strong is too weak a word to describe her Lieutenant.

"I don't regre-"

Olivia pushes Amanda into the wall, cutting her off. "I'm.. Not.. Finished." She says coldly. "I want to know, Rollins. Was it when I had my mouth between your legs? When you decided that you were gonna leave while I was asleep? Or was it when you were riding my fingers?"

If Amanda we're a guy, she'd have a confusion boner. Because she can't tell if she's turned on as fuck, or if she's on the brink of crying.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia backs up, swiping her eyes under her black glasses. She lets out a dry chuckle, "I don't want you to be sorry." She straightens out her jacket, "I want you to finish those DD5's."

Amanda's mouth drops, tears spill down her cheeks.

"You're dismissed."

Amanda moved forward, cupping Olivia's cheek, "Liv, I'm-"

"You're dismissed, Detective." Olivia growls, pushing Amanda's hand away.

Olivia turns away, her back facing the younger detective.

Amanda sighs, but follows her superior's orders, knowing she'd get nowhere if she tried to talk.

Someone had a death wish.

It was about 30 after 12, and the squad room was bustling with people coming back from lunch, leaving for lunch, on break. Olivia had just walked out of her office when a uni walked by, bumping into the Lieutenant, thus spilling his coffee all over Olivia's white blouse and navy blue blazer.

Amanda had witnessed it, mouth agape, watching her boss look slowly from the sheer, wet stain on her shirt, then peering over her glasses at the young, very terrified uniform.

"Lieutenant Benson… I-I'm so sor-"

"Get back to work." She growls, pushing past him, beelining up the stairs to the cribs.

Amanda shakes her head and hurries into Olivia's office, opening and closing drawers until she finds what she's looking for.

She makes her way up to the cribs, and tentatively opens the door, seeing her boss sitting on one of the beds, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. She can't tell if Olivia is crying or just breathing heavily, but she can't stand the sight of either.

"I brought your extra shirt, Liv.."

Olivia's head snaps up, and Amanda loses her breath. Fuck giving the woman space. Fuck gambling. Fuck feeling guilty.

Olivia's eyes are red rimmed, albeit no tears, she can tell the older woman had been crying.

"Were you even really feeling the urge to gamble that night? Or did you just assume that I'd put out?" Her voice is shaking, louder than Amanda'd expected it to be. Her eyes widen at the accusation, but Olivia continues, standing up.

The stress and hurt that was written all over her face just moments ago was replaced with anger. Lots of it.

"Is that it? You saw the way I looked at you before, you know I felt something, so you wanted an easy lay?"

Amanda shakes her head vigorously, "God, no.. Dammit Olivia, Why would you think I'd-"

"You left!" There was no restraint now, Olivia had shouted possibly drawing attention in their direction. "I know you were… you were trying to feel something other than weakness and sadness and the need to gamble.. but why me? Why was I the one you came to if all you wanted was one night of something physical? I'm not like that.."

"I'm not either!" Amanda moved closer to Olivia, the older woman's shirt still in hand. "God, Olivia.. I don't know why I left.. I know it was fucked up.. I wish I can take it back-"

"Take back leaving while I was asleep or take back fucking me?" Olivia spat.

Amanda tossed the shirt onto the nearest bed then moved in front of the older woman, cupping both her cheeks in a strong grasp. "Listen to me. I know you're hurt. Okay? But I need you to know that what we did… That was so much stronger than fucking. That was a connection."

Olivia narrows her eyes, crossing her arms over her stained, now sheer top. Amanda could see the outline of perfect breasts.

"You seemed pretty eager to break the connection when you left at the ass crack of dawn. You know how embarrassing that is? To wake up naked, covered in love bites and reminders, all alone?"

Amanda closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against Olivia's. "I'm not sorry for what happened, Liv.. I'm not sorry for doing what I did to you, what you did to me.. I don't regret it. I freaked out… It's what I do.. That's no excuse, but it's the truth.. I'm sorry I left you.. You deserved so much better than that."

"You're right." She feel's Olivia's soft breath against her lips and nose, the slight scent of toothpaste and coffee on her lips. "I hated that you left. I almost don't want to forgive you…"

Amanda looks into Olivia's eyes then, feeling her heart cracking as Olivia continues. "I almost want to forget this ever happened.. But I can't. I don't want to."

"I don't want you to forget it.. Please, Liv.. Please forgive me."

Olivia shakes her head and moves towards the bunk with her shirt on it. She removed her blazer and begins unbuttoning her shirt. She turns around, letting the ruined garment hang open loosely.

Amanda gapes at the sight before her.

Hickies cover her breasts and torso. A line leading down, dipping inside her waistband. She was right. It's such a turn on to see her own markings on the brunette.

"If you ever," Olivia begins, "Make love to me, only to leave before I wake… ever again…" She let's the blouse drop to the floor, her gaze dark, "There will be hell to pay, Rollins."

Amanda can only nod, completely entranced by the sight in front of her.

"Got it?" Olivia bites, a sexy sneer on her plump lips.

"Got it…"

Olivia tenses her jaw, then picks the second blouse up, slipping it on over her shoulders and buttoning it. "I believe you have some paperwork to finish, Detective."

Amanda furrows her brows, thoroughly confused at the change in her boss's demeanor. "Liv-"

Olivia cuts Amanda off, moving in front of her and pressing her lips against the younger woman's. She pushed her tongue into Amanda's mouth, roughly taking what was rightfully hers.

Olivia tugs Amanda's hair, pulling her face back, detaching Amanda's teeth from her bottom lip. "I'll see you for stories tonight. Noah had a book picked out for you the minute he woke up."

The blonde could tell that Olivia was still guarded, but the kiss was all the assurance she needed. "Yes ma'am." She drawls, Georgian accent thick with the baritone of her voice.

Olivia nods once, curtly, "Back to work, Rollins." She playfully demands, moving past her, wet blouse dangling from her fingertips. The other hand carrying her slightly stained blazer.


	3. Chapter 3

Here is the final chapter of 'Wish I Knew You' , hope you guys enjoyed it as much I know my friend enjoyed writing it.

And as always, we do not own the rights to Law & Order SVU

* * *

"Mommy we read more books?"

"Mommy!"

Olivia's eyes snap to her son, realizing that he'd been calling her. "I'm sorry, baby boy. You want me to read another one to you?"

"Yes pees, mama. I get boos coos?" The young boy was straddling his mother's lap, tiny fingers playing with the soft strands of her hair. She craved these moments, never getting enough of her young boy.

"Yes baby, just one more, then you need to sleep.. It's already past your bedtime." She smiles, tickling his sides.

"Tank you!" He giggles, wiggling out of her tickle attack.

As soon as he's out of the room, she sighs. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up about the younger detective. She should have known that she'd flake….again.

She resists the urge to cry, knowing her son would pick up on her sadness.

He comes running out moments later, two books in clutch. "Mommy I get two jus' in case, otay?" He looks at her seriously, "I not know which one you like so I pick dis many. We just read bof, otay?"

She can't help but smile widely, knowing what he's trying to do. "Oh yea?"

He nods thoughtfully, climbing back into her lap, "I know dees your fav'rit." Which means they're _his_ favorite. Then again, he's said that about the three other books she'd just read to him.

"Okay sweet boy."

She opens the first book, ready to read to her son, but she knows tonight won't be as goofy as usual. But, like always; for her son, she puts on a strong suit and starts their nightly mystery… again.

… **.**

She knew Olivia would be upset. Confused, hurt, angry.. You name it. She'd let the older woman down again. Although she was on her way to her boss's apartment, she was many, many hours late, and didn't expect a warm welcome when she got there.

Hopefully, she thought, the older woman would let her explain why she didn't show up to storytime.

She doesn't want to buzz, not knowing if Olivia would let her in, so she waits outside, hoping someone would come or go. To her luck, a take out boy shows up only 10 minutes into her wait, buzzing in. She opens the door for him, smiling when he thanks her, then moves swiftly towards the stairwell.

She doesn't need to think this time, she just wants to get to Olivia. She hurries up the stairs, slightly regretting foregoing her morning runs for the past few days. She feels the burn in her thighs by the time she reaches the 7th floor, but keeps going nonetheless.

She reaches Olivia's door, slightly out of breath.

She inhales, then knocks lightly on Olivia's door. It's the longest 20 seconds of her life.

The door swings open, Olivia clad in her sleep shirt and yoga pants, hair tousled, glasses perched on her nose. She looks utterly irresistible.

She doesn't say anything, doesn't move to let the blonde in. Just stands there, one hand behind the door, the other against the door frame. An eyebrow is arched, as if expecting the younger woman to dive into whatever excuse she'd brought with her.

"I was at a meeting."

There, baby step.

Olivia's eyes soften, but almost barely noticeable. "How'd it go?" Her voice is deep, a tired, yet smooth undertone seemingly always permeates it. It's attractive, Amanda thinks.

"I… It was alright. I needed to. I had to talk about some things with the group leader… She helped me sort my head out. I'm really sorry I missed story time… I hope the little guy's not mad at me."

Olivia nods, accepting Amanda's reason. She moves away from the door, making her way to the couch. "We need to talk, Amanda." She says quietly over her shoulder.

A sick feeling rushes through her body, sending something is going to happen. She just doesn't know if it's gonna be good or bad.

"Yeah.." Amanda mutters, closing the door, following Olivia to the couch. She sits a respectable distance away from the other woman, knowing Olivia'd probably want her space.

"I have no right to be upset with you.. I'm.. I was, but I'm not anymore. I just wish you would have let me know.." Olivia starts, tucking a strand of wavy brown hair behind her ear. She's curled on one side of the couch, facing Amanda, who's on the other side.

"I'm sorry.. I guess I'm not used to.. I don't know.. having to worry about someone knowing where I am."

Olivia nods, tucking a foot under herself. "I know the feeling." She takes a deep breath, "I'm glad you went to a meeting.. They seem to be helping you."

Amanda nods, her lips curling up into a slight smile. "They're a lot of help," She pauses, looking down at her hands thoughtfully, "But.. they're not enough sometimes.. It's why I came to you.. I didn't come for some "easy lay." You have to believe that.. I didn't know you had feelings for me.. Not until you kissed me back. I'm sorry that I made you feel like all I wanted from you was.." She trailed off, hoping the other woman would understand what she's saying.

"I know that.. Now I do at least." Olivia sighs, a hand stretching across the back of the couch, palm up.

Amanda immediately slips her hand over Olivia's, fingers caressing the soft skin of her inner wrist.

"What I don't know…" Olivia continues, "Is what you want to happen here.. With us."

Amanda can tell that Olivia is nervous. Guarded. She wants to smother the brunette with kisses and affection and promise that all she wants is to be to her. It's overwhelming to her though, the intensity of her feelings for the older woman. They'd only just surfaced a few days ago.. Bringing themselves to the forefront of her mind, telling her that they were there all this time.

"Liv… I wish.. I wish things were easier.." She begins, tears welling in her eyes. She feel's Olivia tense, most likely expecting a rejection of some sort.

In all honesty, she doesn't know what she's going to say. She doesn't trust her brain to form sentences, but she lets it anyway.

"I wish I didn't have an addiction.. I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.. I wish I.. I wish I knew you before.. When I was younger and in need of more help.. Things would be _so_ different."

Olivia tries to pull her hand away, succeeding, but only to be faced with the younger woman moving closer, pressing her body closer.

"Amanda, I don't know what you're trying to say.."

Amanda let's out a slight chuckle, "I don't either.. I'm just letting my head to the talking."

Olivia's brows furrow, her eyes shining with unshed tears behind her black glasses. "Your head doesn't always need to be the one to decide things. Your heart's pretty wise too." Olivia murmurs, her fingers brushing Amanda's jaw lightly.

The younger woman is in awe. That's the only thing to describe how she feels right now.

"I listened to my heart Saturday night.. It wanted you and I listened.." Amanda whispers.

Olivia nods, not saying anything.

"I listened to my heart, then my head got in the way, and I hurt you. I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm-"

Olivia pulls Amanda to her, firm arms wrapping around the blonde's lithe waist.

Amanda can't help it now, tears spilling down her cheeks, "Olivia… I want you.. I'm sorry it had to be the way it was for me to get my head out of my ass.. but I do. I need you. Your support, your kindness, your care.. I- I need.. I need your love."

Olivia's lips curve into a smile, Hands running up and down Amanda's back. "Amanda, honey, slow down and take some breaths."

Amanda nods, breathing deeply, relaxing into Olivia's warm embrace. "word vomit," she mutters, her own hands moving up to play in soft brown strands.

"Is that really how you feel?" Olivia asks, her voice tentative and soft.

Amanda nods, her blue eyes shining. "Yes." Her voice is sure.

"We need to set some things straight then.. I can't have you running off without a word every time you get jumpy. I will give you space when you need it, but I gotta _know.._ Okay? I don't want to worry or sit and wonder if I did something to make you run."

Amanda nodded, her lips curving upwards. "I promise I won't keep you in the dark.."

Olivia smiles back, fingers dancing across Amanda's spine.

Amanda sighs, relaxing into Olivia, "How was story time?"

Olivia laughed, "He somehow got me to read him _five_ books tonight. He's quite the talker."

Amanda shakes her head, "Uh Uh, no, you're just putty in his hands, that kid's got you wrapped around his finger."

"I can't say that I mind it. He's such a good boy."

Amanda looks at the other woman, eyes shining with admiration, "He's got a good mother." She murmurs, thumb brushing over Olivia's bottom lip.

Olivia kisses the pad of Amanda's thumb, leaning against the arm of the couch, effectively bring them into a laying position. "Now look who's the talker.."

Amanda removes her shoes and jacket, then cuddles back into her lover. Half on the couch, half on Olivia.

Lover. Olivia is her lover. God, yes.

"I don't always have my foot in my mouth, Lieutenant."

Olivia peers over her glasses, "You don't?"

Amanda's mouth drops open, "You little-" she runs her hand down Olivia's waist, dipping under her sleep shirt, only to squeeze her waist.

Olivia laughs, trying to move away, "I'm _kidding."_

"Yea, you better be," Amanda feigns sternness.

"I need you to be sure, Amanda."

The abruptness of Olivia's statement shocks the younger woman, she doesn't know what to say quite yet, so Olivia continues.

"I have a son and I have to think about him.. If I start something with you, he's going to be a big part of it.."

God, she doesn't know why she finds the mama bear side of Olivia so sexy, but she does. And she craves it.

"Well… I guess.." She starts, causing Olivia to frown. "I guess noah and I can maybe fit you in.."

It takes a moment, but it registers to Olivia. "How generous," she says sarcastically, smiling despite the monotone way she said it.

"No more running.. Liv.. I promise. And.. If you'll have me again, I'd love to join you and the munchkin for story time tomorrow."

"We'd love nothing more." Olivia smiles, her hands running up and down Amanda's back.

Amanda nods, leaning down to ghost her lips across Olivia's. It's been _too_ long since she's tasted the other woman's lips. Withdrawal is a serious thing.

Olivia parts her lips expectantly, anticipating the invasion of Amanda's tongue. When it does not come, she growls in frustration.

Amanda pulls away, a smirk on her lips, "Did you just _growl?"_

Olivia digs her fingers into Amanda's hair, attempting to pull her back into another kiss. "I'll bite too if you don't bring that mouth back here."

"That doesn't sound like a punishment to me.."

" _Detective._ "

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

Olivia flips them, turning swiftly, pinning Amanda to the couch. "You are such a tease," she mumbles, moving a leg between Amanda's.

"You want it, so come ge-"

Olivia's lips crash down onto Amanda's, silencing her.

Amanda quickly responds, parting her lips to let Olivia's tongue invade. She slips her hands under the brunettes soft sleep shirt, feeling warm skin under her fingers. She moves her hands up her back, finding no bra straps.

Her hands slip around, all while never breaking the hot connection to Olivia's lips. She cups two full breasts, filling each palm with soft, supple flesh.

"I really love these," Amanda sighs against Olivia's lips, running her thumbs over hardened nipples.

Olivia bucks, unable to control the jolt of heat rushing in between her legs.

Olivia sits up, swiftly removing her shirt, baring her bare chest to the blonde. "I want you," Olivia rasps, pushing her thigh rhythmically in between Amanda's legs. "I want to come with you.." She purrs, taking Amanda's hands, putting them back on her breasts.

"God damn," Amanda mutters, arching her neck.

She doesn't think she'll ever get used to this side of Olivia. God, she hopes she'll never get used to it.. The pleasure and amazement is too good a feeling to render normal.

Amanda nearly loses it, moving out from under Olivia, the quickly removing her clothes, this time, getting fully undressed before Olivia. She doesn't speak as she hooks her fingers in the waistband of Olivia's yoga pants and panties, pulling them down her legs. She sees the dark markings on her inner thighs, covering her beautiful breasts. She knows she had a collection of her own brandings, given to her by Olivia. It makes this experience all the more erotic.

She kneels in front of Olivia, hooking a leg over her shoulder, burying her lips in between Olivia's thighs.

"You're so beautiful, Olivia.." she mumbles against Olivia's wet skin, eyes watching as the older woman writhes on the couch. "So delicious."

"Amanda.." Olivia sighs. She grasps Amanda's shoulders, bringing the blonde up to straddle her lap. "I said I want us to come together."

Her hand wasted no time, moving in between the younger woman's legs, dipping her fingers into wet heat. Amanda moans, one hand bracing herself against the back of the couch, the other moving between Olivia's legs, feeling her arousal too.

They move against each other, fingers thrusting and caressing. Amanda rides Olivia's fingers, her own hand moving rhythmically between the brunette's shapely thighs.

They're both close. Frankly, Amanda had been close since earlier in the cribs. The older woman didn't know just how deeply she affected Amanda.

They moved together, bodies grinding. Olivia lets her head fall back against the cushion, mouth dropping open.

Amanda's eyes slipped closed momentarily, before opening again. She didn't want to miss a moment of this. Somehow, it seemed more intimate than the first time. She began to move harder over Olivia's fingers, her own fingers picking up speed inside of the other woman.

She moaned, letting her eyes rove from the brunettes slick, sweat sheened breasts, up her flushed neck, to her face. Only then noticing the fogged up glasses.

She tilts Olivia's head up, grasping her chin lightly with her free hand, "These are so sexy on you," She pants, her thumb swiping the fog off of them. "I want to see your- _unhhhh-_ your eyes," she removed them, tossing them to the side, hearing them bounce next to them on the sofa.

Olivia's eyes are dark, desperate for a release, "Amanda," she purrs, straining her neck to kiss the younger woman.

They're both so close. They move faster, grinding roughly against each other.

Amanda dips her head down, capturing a dark nipple in her mouth, sucking hard. That's Olivia's undoing. She hears the older woman moan out, sees her clamp her hand over her mouth in attempts to not wake up her sleeping child.

The orgasm Olivia experiences causes her to curl her fingers inside of Amanda, the pads of her fingertips pushing against the blonde's G-spot, triggering a climax.

It's pure heaven. And then some.

They take a few minutes, panting, satiated, leaning against each other.

"I didn't think.. Saturday could be.. topped," Olivia gasps, trying to catch her breath.

"Amazing," Amanda breathes, bringing her fingers to her lips, sucking whatever juices Olivia released off of her fingers.

Olivia does the same, eyes slipping closed as she sucked her fingers clean. "Mmmm. You taste good."

Amanda bites her lip, smiling. "You're pretty tasty yourself.." She retorts, trailing her fingers across Olivia's pert nipples.

"We should probably go to the bedroom before we fall asleep out here. We don't need Noah finding us like this." Olivia murmurs.

"Good idea." Amanda agrees. They get up, grabbing their clothes and relocating to Olivia's bedroom.

They fall into bed together, limbs tangling. It's perfect. Amanda never wants to sleep without Olivia.

They don't speak, just caress each other, lulling to sleep.

"I'll kill you if you're not here in the morning," Olivia mumbles, half asleep.

Amanda chuckles, running her fingers through Olivia's hair. "I'll be here," She assures. It's all that needs to be said.

They drift to sleep wrapped in each other's arms. All Amanda can think as she slips into a deep slumber, is that wishes she'd had Olivia before, but is grateful to have her now.

 **End.**


End file.
